A year later…

The Jordan River

It has been a whole year since my last post.  My blogging intentions have been overwhelmed by the demands of seminary. Being in seminary, studying for a Master’s in Divinity, is an exciting, transforming and demanding journey. I had hoped my experience would be akin to joining an ashram or any number of inspiring spiritual journeys I have read about.  It is something entirely different.

The study of Christianity demands a level of intellectualism, continuous reflection, debate and re-evaluation that I did not anticipate.  We are a faith on the move, committed to responding to every human condition, touching the life of every human being, bringing the bold message of Jesus into all life. This message that Jesus brought is  deep, comprehensive, personal and universal and at times completely left out of the Christian experience.

Unbeknownst to many, seminaries today are intensely academic and driven to maintain credibility.  Especially in the midst of the ongoing challenges of politics, science, anti-intellectual religious practices, dogma and intolerance. Trust me when I say Ministers being launched into the world at this moment are highly educated, constructive thinkers who have an immense capacity to impact the world, your world, in a positive way.

I am a different person than when I began.  Centered, more in tune with the working of God in me, through me and around me…more in touch with the humanity and needs of other people.  Less about myself.

People wonder what and how we study.  There is a lot of reading (10 books per class), writing, discussion, debate and reflection. The weight is like any other Master’s program, 12 credits  per quarter, no summer break, impossible to work full time and study.  Class examples…

I’ve taken classes in the New Testament that have taught me about the gospels in a historical sense, looking at them as ancient biographies filled with political intrigue and mystery.  We studied how they were chosen, who wrote them and under what circumstances.  Many myths I was raised believing to be true have been uncomfortably dispelled. Other questions finally answered.  I’ve taken extremely disturbing classes in church history and inspiring courses in youth outreach and healing.  I wish there was a way to distill all that I am learning down and make it widely accessible.

I just finished two classes held in NYC in Theology and the Arts at the studio of famous artist Makoto Fujumura.   Makoto is a living work of art.  I highly recommend his book “Refractions”, which discusses the power of art to awaken, enlarge, refine and restore our humanity.

I went to Israel this year.  I share some things about it in my next post.

Love to everyone ~ Godlight1

 

 

 

Naval Gazing

How easy it is to make connections that aren’t there. For three solid weeks ~ ever since the call to ministry came, I have had increasingly strong heart palpitations and anxiety at night.  I kept thinking the one triggered the other.  And I kept saying to myself, “This is an incredible spiritual thing happening in my life.  Why is my body reacting this way?  Shouldn’t my heart feel overwhelming joy not overwhelming anxiety??”.  Torn up inside with not understanding what I interpreted as my physical reaction to God’s calling, I have been full of doubt. Which brings me to the night before last…

Its three AM.  I am awake with such heart tremors I wonder if I’m having a heart attack. Scared to death, I can’t figure out why God would have said He needed me, only to take me three weeks later. I’m so young.  Have I accomplished what He wanted in only 3 weeks?  Should I go  to the ER? Ah, but I have that huge deductible. I’d better first Google “am I having a heart attack?”.   The symptoms don’t fit with a heart attack, whew,  but they are a big yes for all sorts of heart conditions. Fortunately none that cause immediate death.  Gerd sounds possible.  I’ll take a Pepcid.  No relief. Could it be an electrolyte imbalance?  I’ll drink E-mergency.  No relief. Maybe I should  go to the emergency room. No, I’ll just settle into an elevated position with a heating pad over my heart and wait it out. Perhaps not the best choice,  but there it is.

At 9 am I am at my Dr.s office.  The answer is…get this… Estrogen.  Estrogen causing all of this?  How?  I already take estrogen.  Have for ages , but my body has stopped metabolizing the type I am taking.  Did you know when a woman’s estrogen levels drop too low, our bodies react by creating surges of adrenaline in an attempt to force the body to produce more?  It is the effect of the adrenaline on my heart causing theses symptoms and all this inner turmoil.  What an amazing reality. And one so removed from what I have created in my mind.

There is no connection between God calling and my anxious heart.  What a cautionary lesson for me!   How much time have I spent focused on a connection that isn’t there? I thought my sub-conscious wasn’t  in agreement with my conscious mind.  That my heart was physically demonstrating doubt about my ability to answer God’s call. I prayed so much about it.  Asking God to reveal the reality of me to me and He did.

I have so much to learn.  This is going to be some journey.

Hugs and love everyone ~ Godlight One

Kia Ora

Gobsmacked! That is the only word that fits.  Have you ever started moving in a direction, stepping out in faith and had all sorts of unexpected wonderful things happened to you?  If so, I’d love to hear about them.

Its been barely two weeks since all of this began unfolding and a benefactor has stepped in to help fund my first year of seminary.  Incredible. Beyond my wildest hopes.  What an act of faith in me on their part and a testimony to the involvement of God in my life.  This person has been so kind and generous that I can begin studies and not be stressed. Thank you kind Sir with all my heart.

The Bible speaks beautifully of faith.  In Hebrews 11:1 it says, Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. My sweet Lord. Thank you for the gift.  Thank you for believing in me and inspiring another to believe in me too.

Paulo Coelho, the author of The Alchemist and many other wonderful books, posted this on FaceBook today….”And my angel said, Start moving. So I may start blessing”.

Something to ponder.

Hugs and love everyone ~

Godlight One